The Absolute, Sure-Fire Way to Get My Attention

I’m overly sensitive to criticism, so when I feel like I’ve irritated someone, offended someone, or done something wrong, it becomes a huge preoccupation.

Online, this manifests itself as checking out the complainant thoroughly. I’ll Google them, visit their blog, and obsess over what to do in response even when the best answer is often to do nothing. And it doesn’t take anything particularly nasty to set me down that path. Even an ambiguous comment that hints at displeasure can be enough to get me derailed and focused on that person and their approval.

This is indicative of a character issue–caring too much about the approval of strangers, so I’m focusing on that as an area of growth. In the meantime, it’s a pretty effective way to get me to pay attention.

Of course, as with most matters of ego, there is a flip side. I don’t handle praise all that well either. I’ll pay the wrong kind of attention to the stats, the links, comments, and kind words that come from a job well-done. It can be addicting.

These are two sides of the same coin stamped with the word “ego,” and I fully accept that the frivolous drinking-in of positive attention only serves to make my concept of self-worth more bloated and, as a result, less stable. I honestly have not set out to manufacture compliments with this project I’m working on, but as many kind people have provided them, I have lingered there a bit too long.

It’s my hope that, in the near future, my concept of self-worth will be more fully guided by steadier, more substantial forces than these. Until then, I am well aware of these tendencies and guard against them.

If, however, these tendencies influence my running of the project in any way beyond the hand-wringing and angst, it will be in a prejudicial over-caution against highlighting those who laud me.